Scott Fellman

Are you a “real” reefer? You know- a hardcore, not-afraid-of-getting-your hands-wet type? I thought so…of course you are! You must be a nervous wreck! You’ve literally got water on the brain! I know you do. It’s funny; we often hear of the “therapeutic” value of aquarium keeping: It’s stimulating, relaxing, intellectual, etc. Good for the mind, good for the soul…blah, blah, blah. Aquarium KEEPING, or aquarium VIEWING?

Let’s be honest with ourselves: Is a reef keeper ever truly “relaxed”? Even the hobbyist with the most high-tech, automated reef is somehow bound and tied to his or her tank, with millions of little concerns buzzing around in the deep recesses of the mind: “Why weren’t the polyps on my Acropora lokani extended today? Did the drop in ORP from 350 to 341 signify impending disaster? What was that little band of salt creep around the base of my sump-evaporation-or a leak?”

I present my hypothesis that a TRUE hobbyist is never completely relaxed! We always have something in the back of our minds eating at us…maybe it’s concern over some changing parameter, frustration with the way the tank looks, the fact that you KNOW that you SHOULD have used a ball valve in that chiller feed line but didn’t, etc. You know what I mean.

Now, I’m not saying that the reef hobby isn’t relaxing, or that part of the fun of having a reef tank isn’t dealing with all of the little obscure challenges that we overcome on a daily basis with our systems….What I AM maintaining is that a TRUE reefer always has some crazy concern about SOME aspect of their system. Let’s go back for a second to the concept of a ‘relaxed” viewing of a reef tank.

Sure, I like to kick back in front of my aquarium and enjoy the view…but I just can’t stop my mind from wandering a bit, contemplating the “what ifs”, or the “I should be doings”, or the “I wonder whys?” I contend that it’s actually more relaxing to look at someone else’s reef tank that it is to look at our own! When I look at a friend’s tank, I just don’t seem to notice every little Valonia or snail perched on my overflow.

I believe that ALL reef hobbyists “suffer”, to some extent- a bit OCD, or at the very least, ADD. I mean, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been to MACNAs where, at the end of a presentation, there is at least one guy rushing out of the conference room on the phone with his/her significant other putting out a fire “No, honey- the blue valve! Turn the BLUE VALVE behind the calcium reactor…! Do it- NOW!!!”. And I know that there are quite a few of you out there who have data logging and cell phone connectivity from your aquarium controllers….You always need to know if the temperature of your reef is 78.9F versus 78.6F, right? Do you really need to be told by your controller that the lights are on? I mean, haven’t they gone on at the same time every day for the last 4 years? Could today be the day that the timer fails…and what if it does..? The end of the world as we know it?

Seriously, I’m not pointing this out to tell you how creepy I think we all are (that’s a good topic for another article, I’m sure). I AM pointing this out so that we’re honest with ourselves. We need to relax! I think that we truly enjoy every aspect of this hobby. But I also think that it’s incredibly easy to take the thing entirely too seriously! I mean, think about it- in the end, we’re talking about a glass or acrylic box filled with water, rocks, and fishes. Then again, maybe this obsession IS relaxing somehow. It’s kind of funny…

Well, maybe it isn’t THAT funny. We do have a responsibility to the animals under our care, and we all want to safeguard our family and property from harm and damage…but man, we sure get a bit crazy uptight about it all, don’t we? Maybe THAT’S why they make those “aquarium” screen savers, huh? For the rest of the general public that doesn’t understand our obsession! Could you imagine if a real hobbyist designed one of those screen savers? There would be occasional Bryopsis outbreaks, anomalous pH dips, etc….Just like the REAL THING!!!

I remember visiting the home of a very well known reefer after a talk no long ago. A bunch of us fish geeks were there after a nice night out, watching his awesome tanks and delighting in an angelfish spawning. Then the unthinkable happened. Someone tripped over a feed line to a calcium reactor in his fish room. Water poured out…a valve cracked!

The owner quickly moved in to isolate the spill- the SPILL was not the concern. What WAS the concern is that it was a Saturday night and there was no way to get the reactor replaced or repaired until Monday. The beautiful reef that depended on this reactor for 5 years was in peril. Our collective hearts sank…we shared this guy’s pain…we knew the feeling. He was stoic, maintaining that he could get a part to repair it after his son’s soccer game the next day.

But I knew what was going through his mind. We ALL did. He couldn’t rest on this. He would not sleep until the problem was resolved. A TRUE hobbyist. One of the guys in attendance had the spare part that he needed. But it was 1:45AM, and the guy lived an hour away. It would have to wait until tomorrow…NOT! The reefer did what we all would do- He got in the car and drove 60 miles to get the part at the fellow hobbyist’s house. He fixed the problem. Immediately. Without “sleeping on it”. That, my friends, is a TRUE reefer all the way!

Have you noticed that we love to collect stuff? LOVE it! We go to frag swaps, walking home carefully with ½” frags of “rare” corals, smelly rotifer cultures, and get really excited about things like “live rock” and “live sand”… I sometimes wonder if half of the fun is the thrill of acquiring and collecting the stuff, a subconscious genetic programming within us that pays homage to our hunter-gatherer past. We have arguments on Internet message boards about the merits of vodka dosing and deep sand beds. VODKA DOSING??? REALLY? No wonder the non-hobby world thinks that we’re nuts!

And so what if we are? We are dedicated, studious, stimulating, and adventurous people who are brimming over with enthusiasm for the love of our hobby/lifestyle! We pass knowledge on to each other and hopefully, to our children. Through our experiences, bitter failures, and hard-earned successes, we have helped unlock some of the mysteries of the natural world, for the benefit of all.

But we are all crazy. Nuts. Absolutely wacked. Don’t think for a minute that YOU are the only normal one…you aren’t . You have a freezer with frozen mysis shrimp in it. You collect plastic buckets, towels, and strange tools to work in your tank. Don’t tell me that you don’t take that one last glance at the tank before you go to sleep, or that one quick wipe down of the front glass before you head out each morning…You’re obsessed, devoted, engaged…

That’s my diagnosis, you poor wet-thumbed fish geeks. I love you guys and girls, crazy though YOU are! As for me- the SANE one- the voice of REASON…I don’t quite know what to make of your plight. Ohh- wait a minute, I’ll be right back. I need to wipe the salt creep off of that light bulb over my tank. And what is that clicking sound in the sump? A Mantis Shrimp? No. Can’t be. Maybe it’s a…..


Till next time,

Stay wet…

Scott Fellman
facebook.com/scott.fellman